I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
