So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i dont even know how to be here
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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