ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
NoShamevember. You game?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
