after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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