I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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