Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
bring money and cleavage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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