Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
