I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
PANTIES FOUND
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