I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
