Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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