The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
