She went from zero to smokin in five shots
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
