how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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