I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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