I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
