do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.