Texts From Last Night

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  (206): View more from Washington

  I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner

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  (206): I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner http://tfl.nu/6elk
  Replies (2) Good night (2782) Bad night (574)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll

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  (336): Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll http://tfl.nu/6m63
  Replies (27) Good night (5716) Bad night (1319)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?

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  (732): wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns? http://tfl.nu/gvvk
  Replies (51) Good night (3178) Bad night (1441)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy

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  (803): I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy http://tfl.nu/msis
  Replies (76) Good night (6436) Bad night (681)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for

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  (405): Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for http://tfl.nu/gqdd
  Replies (15) Good night (1294) Bad night (3534)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.

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  (913): you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro. http://tfl.nu/rmdo
  Replies (5) Good night (4597) Bad night (780)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie

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  (815): I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie http://tfl.nu/y42e
  Replies (3) Good night (1939) Bad night (1435)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.

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  (774): After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs. http://tfl.nu/szq4
  Replies (17) Good night (695) Bad night (2978)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....

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  (907): I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on.... http://tfl.nu/kmcf
  Replies (10) Good night (1323) Bad night (873)
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  (562): View more from California

  don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.

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  (562): don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you. http://tfl.nu/zbku
  Replies (3) Good night (2457) Bad night (572)
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.

  (334): View more from Alabama

  I stand by my new policy.

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  (334): I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots. (334): I stand by my new policy. http://tfl.nu/bu7l
  Replies (4) Good night (1338) Bad night (510)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB

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  (+44): you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB http://tfl.nu/timz
  Replies (4) Good night (1891) Bad night (769)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.

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  (613): We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got. http://tfl.nu/kddz
  Replies (0) Good night (513) Bad night (228)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy

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  (720): Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy http://tfl.nu/3y1o
  Replies (4) Good night (964) Bad night (226)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.

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  (802): I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower. http://tfl.nu/ep1t
  Replies (1) Good night (286) Bad night (306)

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