Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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