JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
