I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
