So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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