So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
This show inspires me to have sex in space
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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