they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I checked into jail on foursquare
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
