well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
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There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
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hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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