I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
