He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
