Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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