I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
