her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
