A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
