I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
