im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
