Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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