Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Randomize
