Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
