wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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