Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize