Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize