So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
