I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Randomize
