I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
