i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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