No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Randomize
