At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
