i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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