I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
