Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I will pee on everything he values.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
