I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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