apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
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