I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
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Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
you had me at cake vodka
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
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My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize