So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
