Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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