You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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