Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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