8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
