It was like getting head from an anaconda
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
