Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
