i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
