Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
